I Just Want to Buy a Phone!

New iPhoneMy mobile contract with 3 Mobile is now over and after 6 years of paying more for less upon each upgrade, I finally made the leap and started to look around at the other mobile networks for a better deal.

I’d worked out that given my needs, it would actually work out cheaper to buy a new phone outright and sign up to a SIM-only deal.

I haven’t liked Android phones for a long time now and was disappointed with the Lumina/Windows phones which I looked at because they were just so slow (like a rarely-mentioned, slightly retarded little brother of Android) . Ever since getting my iPhone 4S four years ago I haven’t wanted anything other than an iPhone, so the logical decision was to buy an iPhone 6S. (continue reading…)

London Dog

WalkwayI have a little Shih Tzu, who is named ‘Dog’, ‘Terror’,  or ‘Stinky’, depending upon the level of trouble he’s caused or what he’s consumed throughout the day (either with or without my consent).

He’s perfectly happy and comes almost everywhere with me (I also took him to work once). He’s been to Edinburgh but really wanted to see London, so I obliged this weekend just gone. (continue reading…)

Blue Badge Dinosaur

ToiletI know I’m going to get slated for saying this, but sometimes I use the disabled toilets, despite not being registered as disabled. I even have a Radar key (which like midget porn and Thai brides, can be bought on the internet) so that I can use those toilets reserved for those privileged, less able-bodied individuals. The reason for pretending to be disabled when I need a poo is very simple. (continue reading…)

Its Not My Fault Your Child’s a Wimp

Write for Ninja HedgehogMy child is 3. He is my son (not my dear son (“ds”) as I have heard no one refer to their child as ever in real life but seems to be the common abbreviation for nob heads on all parenting forums). He is the light of my life, the reason I breathe but also the reason I regularly lose my shit. (continue reading…)

Move It or Lose It

Stair TwatYou finish work at 5pm on a Friday afternoon. You’ve been lucky enough to manage your day so that as soon as this magical time arrives, you can simply get up and leave work. It’s Saturday tomorrow, but in your mind it’s already the weekend. Nothing or no one is going to stop you from enjoying this weekend, right from 5pm. (continue reading…)

Leading Figure

Investment Rip-OffThe rear sections of newspapers are becoming ever more infested with adverts for organisations who want to claim something back on your behalf; whether it be mis-sold PPI or compensation for something which was probably your fault anyway.

The other day, there was a particularly large advert which stood out. As was intended by the giant advert, it piqued my attention enough for me to actually have a read, even though I knew I didn’t want to. (continue reading…)

The Fine Line Between Genius and Madness

DisarrayA friend of mine has recently met a woman and is no different to any other man in that he desperately wants to impress her. For example, he needs to remember not to belch and shout “bollocks” at the same time or lift his legs high in the air to force out the wettest-sounding, vilest-smelling fart whenever he feels a bit of a wind build-up. (continue reading…)

An Expense Hat Trick

IFine‘m currently saving up for my holiday this August and have even been doing weekend overtime at work. This is totally unheard of so is a great indicator of my dedication and determination.

Things were going quite well, but things never run entirely smoothly for me. As always, shit happened. (continue reading…)