Sea Lions & Bird Poo

This evening, I’ve been to see Iron Man 3. It was definitely the best film of the three, with plenty of gags and a surprising amount of ‘English’ to it- you’ll see what I mean when you watch it.

But I’m not writing about the film.

I’m writing about the woman to my right who cackled ridiculously at every hint of humour. The guy who was with her had clearly grown his beard as bushy as it was so that he wouldn’t be recognised by people.

It got worse during the actual funny bits during the film, where noisy-guffaw girl would clap her hands with glee. It’s a fucking film, not a live play. I really did feel like I’d walked in on the sea lion show at Seaworld. I don’t condone violence at all, but beardy should have clouted her one if he had even a shred of humanity in him.

I left the cinema and checked my phone (because I keep it on silent whilst in the cinema, unlike some inconsiderate fuckwits). I had a picture message from a friend; it was a picture of a bird, with the words “That’s a nice car you have there. Be a shame if somebody shit on it”. A bit random and strange, but never mind.

I walked across the open car park, where there are no buildings or trees and arrived at my car, where there were no lamp posts.

My car was covered in bird shit. It wasn’t just one dollop of it, there were 4 or 5 splats.

I can only assume that my friend was out and noticed my car in the car park, so decided to throw some food on the roof of it, attracting flying rats.

I will get to the bottom of this and if my friend is guilty of playing this evil trick, I will exact my revenge.

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