This morning I woke up as normal and trundled down the stairs in my underpants wondering what the day would bring. I had woken up late and had decided to go to the boot fair as it would be pointless turning up after all the vultures had already had a chance to buy all the best junk.
I rustled myself a nice bowl of Weetabix and afterwards headed out into the garden to deposit a few fistfuls of Wilko‘s finest peanut kernels onto the bird table so that the flying rats could have some breakfast too. I spotted an unusually fat pigeon lurking on a TV aerial across the street leering at me as if it was rather disappointed that I had not woken up earlier to tend to it’s culinary needs.
I headed for my PC to see what fantastic stuff was awaiting me on the cybernetic super fantastic information super webway of stuff. I noticed that a lot of Facebook people had thingies on their status updates about giving life and mixing flavours on “Candy Crush Saga” I decided that I should investigate further.
The game was quite easy; the candy crushing became mesmerising and after 11 hours of crushing candy, I had get to level 40 of this fantastic pastime. The fact that I had to spend £45 on “Facebook credits” to buy extra goes and giant exploding liquorish allsorts was beside the pointy. I felt rather proud of myself for beating everyone and becoming the King or crushing cyber candy.
However, little did I realise that my abnormal stance whilst lurched over the PC screen whilst attempting to sit on an old dining chair donated to my furniture inventory by my senile mother would render me helpless. As I got off the chair, I felt a stinging paint in the lower back/above the arse area and I fell to the ground.
I lay there for a while until the dog came over and started licking my face with the same tongue it licks it’s undercarriage with and I became a little more motivated to get up, still the pain was quite bad though.