A Date With Sir Lord Alan Bloody Sugar

hornyloser.comUsually, as soon as The Apprentice has finished on BBC1, I write a short summary of the week’s task, what happened and who was fired. This week I simply couldn’t be bothered because no matter how hard I tried to be interested in what was happening, I just couldn’t fake a passable interest.

Why? Because it was a bit boring.

Both teams had to create an online dating website in a time which will always be impossible to achieve reasonable results in, no matter how many expert designers they have at their disposal and no matter how long they work into the night. The only solace from such slavery is no doubt a very large cheque, as well as the publicity which is brought by The Apprentice. The downside of course is that all future clients will expect finished products the morning after submitting a vague idea.

I don’t know who was in which team because I wasn’t paying attention. The only things which I did pay attention to are the following:

  1. Myles very cryptically stated that he’d seen the first ever picture of his wife online, but that it wasn’t on a dating website. He offered no explanation despite a few expectant looks from around him, so one is left to assume that Myles met his wife on a sex site.
  2. I can’t decide if Luisa was too pushy and over the top or if Jason was simply a massive, useless, pathetic drip.
  3. Frank Sidebottom played the character of a creepy loser in his team’s advert very well, but I can’t decide whether this was solely down to his acting skills or whether his obscene eyebrows played a key part.
  4. Frank Sidebottom winked to someone in the audience after his team’s advert had been played at the presentation. I swear to god, I thought his eyebrow was going to climb into the audience and kidnap someone.
  5. As much as I despise his eyebrows, Frank Sidebottom is always a key player and always comes up with good ideas. Not for the first task, he and his opinions have been cast aside in favour of someone with no experience or an idea with no basis to back it up. I genuinely think that if Frank Sidebottom had been PM on one or two more occasions, the team his eyebrows were leading would have sailed effortlessly to victory.
  6. At some point during the task, Jason stopped being PM and Luisa took over. I get the impression that this wasn’t planned or intended, but that it happened due to the amount of moisture being left everywhere by the massive drip.
  7. Jason was fired. I’m happy about this because he was a waffler and never really came up with a good idea- he just used a lot of large words.

That’s what I gathered from this week’s The Apprentice, which to be fair, isn’t bad considering I was yawning through most of it. I can’t wait for the ‘interview’ episode now- I really hope that Frank Sidebottom‘s eyebrows struggle to answer any questions thrown at them.

Neil now only has an 85.71% chance of failure, although in reality, I think this is likely to be much less- I just wish that he and Jordan would have a bit of a shave.

Frank Sidebottom
Natalie Panayi
Neil Clough
Rebecca Slater
Sophie Lau
Tim Stillwell
Uzma Yakoob
Zeeshaan Shah
Francesca MacDuff-Varley
Jason Leech
Jaz Ampaw-Farr
Jordan Poulton
Kurt Wilson
Leah Totton
Luisa Zissman
Myles Mordaunt

Would you date Frank Sidebottom and his eyebrows?

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