_2nd Best

You hear about a new app and it sounds amazing, so you want to download it and sign up ASAP. You know exactly what you want as your username so you eagerly type it in before waiting for that momentary check to confirm that your chosen username is available.

It’s not.

But the app¬†cheekily suggests “username_1” as an alternative. Would you like this one?

Of course not. Because if you do accept “username_1”, everyone will know that you didn’t get what you really wanted; either because you weren’t quick enough or because you weren’t original enough. Or both.

How would you feel if you ordered a piece of expensive fillet steak in a restaurant and the waiter presented you with an overcooked burger? You’d feel exhausted from trying to stick the burger up his arse, that’s how you’d feel.

It’s the same as a new email address; obviosuly, you want firstname.lastname@email.com¬†but you know damn well that unless your name is something like Herbert Bonham-Shufflebotham, you ain’t going to get your name without the dreaded underscore nestled cosily within it.

It’s a constant alert to porn sites and potential employers that you aren’t even worthy of your own fucking name.

This is exactly why I’m pissed at being @ninja_hedgehog on Twitter. Not only am I not worthy of my own name there, but I was beaten to the account by some bastard who has never even tweeted. Talk about kicking someone when they’re down.

Feel free to email any comments to Herbert.Bonham-Shufflebotham_12@ninjahedgehog.co.uk.

Are you worthy of your own name?

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