I Wish I Hadn’t

 A few months ago, a friend introduced me to Wish (although I think I’d seen adverts for it pop up on my Facebook feed at various points).

My friend had bought a horse mask (don’t ask because I don’t know) from Wish via their mobile app so I had a look, only to find that you can buy most things you’d need to buy and just as many things which were completely unnecessary but which you (me) may buy anyway. Best of all, the stuff on Wish is very cheap.

The stuff on Wish is also very Chinese.

Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against the Chinese or the items which they produce, it’s just that China isn’t well-known for build quality. It’s fair to say that in general, China are well known for producing great takeaway food and cheap crap.

And Wish (along with it’s sister site; Geek) are purveyors of fine Chinese crap.

A lot can be said when you can buy something from Geek for less than you can from Amazon, including the postage cost, and it’s sent from a country half way around the world. You can buy an in-car entertainment system, including built-in DVD player, Bluetooth hands free, satellite navigation and a reversing camera for less than £130.00… but would you want to? 

You can buy a “smart watch” which happens to look like an Apple Watch, which connects to your own phone via Bluetooth and which can make and receive phone calls for £15.00, but why would you want a shitty piece of plastic on your wrist?

Curiosity, that’s why.

My first purchase from Wish was a very cheap and not-so cheerful iWatch knock-off (it’s a ChiWatch, ta da, tsh) because I wanted to see just how crap the stuff from here was.

Several weeks later, my hi-tech gadget arrived and in fairness, there’s nothing wrong with it. It works and it can make and receive phone calls, but only if you put a SIM card inside of it.

The quality is OK but I wouldn’t expect it to last more than a bump or two and the on/off musical chime will leave you trying to hide under the nearest table to escape the embarrassment. The watch could easily be mistaken for an Appple Watch visually but that musical chime will never hide the fact that you’re wearing something which may have come out of a Kinder Suprise.

Will I wear and use it?

No; it’s shoved in my bedside drawer, likely to never see the light of day. If I can be bothered, I may list it on eBay with a very well-thought out description which won’t be deliberately misleading, but if someone mistakes it for an Apple Watch, then more fool that person.

Next on my list of purchases was LED bulbs for my car, purely because I prefer the crisp white light offered by LED bulbs over the halogen alternatives.

I started off with the interior bulbs, which consisted of two different types. They eventually arrived and I fitted all of them, with very pleasing results. I can’t fault these bulbs at all and only time will tell whether or not they were a worthwhile purchase. If any of the bulbs fail within the next few months or spontaneously combust, then I know they were a waste of money. So far, so good.

Next, I purchased some exterior bulbs for the headlights, sidelights and fog lights.

The sidelight bulbs (the same style as half of my interior bulbs) are great and give off plenty of light in the dark without the headlights being on. They’re supposed to be “error free” but every now and again my car will briefly tell me one of these bulbs has blown- it hasn’t, it’s just that the bulbs don’t draw enough current to be recognised by the car. This is a minor problem which I can easily live with by simply clearing the error message each time.

I was disappointed to find out that the LED fog light bulbs received were incompatible with my car; this was immediately obvious when the package arrived through my letter box.

It’s hard to explain in technical terms but I’ll try my best. The bulbs I need for my fog lights are HB4 9006 and there’s a few variations of this type.

What I actually received was a very shitty piece of plastic (which I assume to be) body jewellery. Even now, I still don’t know what it is or how I replace my existing fog light bulbs with it. I’m at a complete loss as to why this was posted out instead of two HB4 9006 LED bulbs but I do know it looks very different to what bulbs should look like.

I put in a refund request and Wish are pretty good at getting your money back to you; I didn’t even need to send the piece of plastic back.

I had much more luck with my headlight bulbs. After replacing the old bulbs with my new LED ones, I was impressed with the brilliance of them and the improved visibility of my car. I could see that they lit things up very nicely.

This was back on New Year’s Eve and I was due to travel down to the Kent coast for a New Year celebration, which involved driving on a long, unlit section of the M20.

This was a terrifying experience as although my new super-headlights lit up signs and cat’s eyes for 500 yards up the road, they lit up absolutely fuck-all right in front of the car. It was like driving without any headlights on whatsoever.

Fortunately, I was able to put my fog lights on and use these to aid me in this emergency lighting situation- I was just grateful that I hadn’t swapped my fog light bulbs with crappy, plastic body jewellery!

On New Year’s Day, I submitted a refund request for the useless headlight bulbs and have now received my money back for these. I may stick the useless LED bulbs on eBay but put a clear warning in the description that travelling at night with them may result in the purchaser’s untimely death. Alternatively, I may give them to my sister for her birthday.

(Don’t worry, I’m not that much of a monster- my sister doesn’t even have a car).

I’ve uninstalled the Wish app from my phone, because it was too easy to browse through the items and buy shit on impulse, deciding that perhaps on that occasion, a bargain is to be had and the item purchased isn’t cheap shit. I got lucky with my interior LED bulbs but I don’t want to push my luck.

If you see an “Apple Watch” or LED headlight bulbs going on eBay for a silly price, don’t buy them- they’ll be my cheap pieces of shit which I’m trying to get rid of.

Do you fancy a Chinese?

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