You Wanna Pizza Me?

All of the big fast food pizza places offer special deals if you collect your pizza in person and one of the most common deals is “any pizza, any size for £x.xx”. No doubt they assume that someone who’s ordering a pizza is a fat fuck, therefore it’s a rare occurrence for someone to actually make the effort to visit in person so it’s a minimal-loss sales technique.

Papa John’s offer this deal for £9.99 and although the price is the same as that for an identical offer with Domino’s, Papa John’s offer something which Domino’s doesn’t; a XXL size pizza.Unlike menu items on offer at Burger King, the similarly labelled XXL reflects the fact that this pizza is a beast and one-up in size from “large”. There’s no XL size but this has possibly been copyrighted by Burger King so that they can mislead people.

Given that you’re going to pay £9.99 for any size pizza, which do you go for; small, medium, large or XXL?

It doesn’t take a genius; you go for the largest pizza to get the most for your £9.99. Why wouldn’t you?

I was feeling peckish the other day and I fancied some pizza, so I went online and ordered myself a XXL double-layered, premium-pepperoni pizza from Papa John’s. Om nom nom nom.

I was never going to eat the whole thing because I’m not a fat, greedy bastard, but an XXL pizza will last a couple of days. Win-win situation.

I went to collect my pizza and when it was handed to me, I clearly saw that the pizza box said “large” on the side.

Hang on just a second… who do you think you’re trying to deceive, you sneaky pizza bastards?

I pointed out that the pizza was the wrong size but the man at the counter was adamant it was correct- it was the order received online. To prove that their system was wrong, I made the valid argument that no one in their right mind would order a large pizza when they could get a XXL pizza for the same price. The nice man agreed with me in principle but insisted that I must have ordered the pizza incorrectly. You know, because takeaway pizza websites are notoriously difficult to operate.

Absolutely preposterous. I’m switched on where such matters are concerned and being a skinflint, I’ll save money or make the most of money anywhere I can.

I was getting nowhere fast with this obnoxious, unhelpful man and it was suggested I take the matter up with head office. Fine by me, but for the moment I had hot pizza to eat- sending a stinky email could wait until later.

I arrived home where I remembered receiving an order confirmation from Papa John’s.

Aha! Proof of their incompetence!

I opened the email and scrolled down to the order details, where it clearly stated I had ordered a large pizza. Not XXL.


You have no idea how pissed off and cheated I feel.

Next time, I’m going to order from Pizza Hut out of principle.

Have you lost out on a slice or two of pizza because you’re a moron?

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