I Help People Pay Mortgage

I received a leaflet through my letterbox from Gordon, who can help me with several problems that I could be facing in respect of my mortgage. Gordon sounds like a jolly nice bloke.

This was the leaflet which was posted through my door:


It’s a shame that Gordon couldn’t find anyone to help him with the grammar of his lovely leaflets.

As helpful as Gordon sounds, I can’t help but feel that it’s all a little vague. The leaflet states that “creating a win win at the same time is what we believe in”. We? So it’s not just Gordon then.

Gordon can help people in financial debt (as opposed to any other sort of debt?) and people who may have lost their income. Forgive me if I’m being silly, but either you have lost your income or you haven’t lost your income. I’m fairly certain that a loss of income would be preceded by a conversation along the lines of “you’re fired” or “we’re not going to pay you any more”. If you “may have” lost your income, then you’re an idiot..

Gordon is positive about a solution, which is reassuring for someone who is advertising their services. If the leaflet had stated that Gordon was a bit shit at what he does and that he was negative about a solution, I definitely would have thrown the leaflet away without even giving him a ring.

Gordon doesn’t sound like a Gordon. Gordon is the name of a man who’s in his forties but the Gordon I spoke to on the telephone sounded like he was in his twenties. He just didn’t sound Gordon enough.

I told him that I “may have” lost my income and did all I could not to burst out laughing at my own little joke; Gordon may not have taken me seriously if I’d had done that.

Before Gordon could ask me for any information, I asked him what I consider to be the most obvious, relevant question: do you have any legal or financial qualifications?

He replied that in terms of qualifications, he had none in that sense. This surprised me a little as if the advert was genuine, qualifications would be held in the area that services were being advertised in, wouldn’t they?

Gordon’s reply didn’t fill me with confidence and when he asked for my address, I hung up. There wasn’t really much else I could ask him.

If you may or may not have lost your income, if you want help from someone who is positive but holds no qualifications in law or finance, feel free to call Gordon. He help people pay mortgage.

4 Replies to “I Help People Pay Mortgage”

    1. I don’t know much about it, but I think they target desperate people and make a ridiculous offer on their houses. They then buy them and rent them back to the previous, desperate owners.

    1. Sprocket what have I told you about talking to strangers?? Your daddy wouldn’t like any of your friends turning up unannounced!

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